POLICE TOFU VOTED BEST EVER
The Bosses community relationship building barbeque at the Station exceeded all expectations as far as consumption is concerned. Two extra trips to the butcher were needed and the tofu was unanimously voted the best anyone had ever tasted. Only later did the vedgoes twig it was cooked in the boiling sausage fat. As for healing community relations, I'm not sure much has changed even if it did soften the entry for the Tower and Towcom.
The Boss will never admit defeat but the numbers are against us. These days the StatsGod rules and the Force is struggling to keep 9 in uniform in this tiny one pub town. Random violence is the fear of the day and it's just not happening here enough. They’ve been posting the most provocative cops they can find into the village, and still the little punks keep their cool. "Ya wan more cops in ya town, ya gotta 'av beatin's", is how one of the old school unders put it." Ya wan beatin's ya gotta replace the weed wid speed." Simple enough strategy and it certainly works a treat. Trouble is I’m sick of it. And not just me, at the Splendid Grass Fest when we split up the confiscations a row broke out between the tokers and the trippers. We all want a peaceful day at work in the end, or do we? Many of my dumb arsed workmates can't tell the difference between friendly and unfriendly drugs. You want a peaceful crowd, sell 'em back their weed. You want broken windows and blood, give 'em the ice and let the grog go to work.
WE CAN HEAR YOU NOW
Surely you understand why we couldn't warn the community about the Tower. There's nothing more difficult to handle than a bunch of naked hippies locking themselves onto a steel tower. Imagine the television news, it'd be global. Modern Art. Naked bodies entwined in a 30 metre tower. Benny Zable on the top with his flag, grinning like a toothless lunatic. Opportunity missed stoners, it was not to be and the strategy of surprise worked perfectly for us. By the second day anyone approaching the base was filmed from four angles and if they climb up they can be fried with a bolt of volts anytime we like, anyway. Reception in the Station is awesome suddenly and individual voices are already getting programmed into 'Towcom', the Towers computer deep beneath the slab. It's one thing for the bald and stoned wearing wigs as disguise, it's quite another changing your voice to fool Towcom.
INDIAN LOBOTOMY ON CALL
Once it's fully functional the Station will be able to hear anything spoken above a whisper for up to one kilometre, in any direction. Towcom automatically deletes any background music or machinery noise, and then goes into search mode for a recognisable voice. There's still a bit of trouble isolating voices but if people would only stop interrupting each other it would work a treat, or so I hear. The nightvision cameras on the tower are all satellite controlled, somehow, but no matter how tall it is they can't see through walls, so I'll still have a job. What I do know is, if I talk into my watchband some dude in Canberra is there immediately. He might have an Indian accent but I made him describe the view out the window, it was the Capital all right. He's the one who told me about the psychotropicmister installed atop the Tower. Apparently in an emergency a very fine and barely detectable 'dumbout' mist can be sprayed from the tower, largactyl based stuff that reduces everyone to a shuffle in a few minutes. In case the village ever riots, Krishna said.
EIFFEL TOWER CONNECTION
The Tower has been a dream of the Boss for years and the French Car Rally Mob (FCRM) were easy for him to prize the dollars out of. They seem to think Nimbin is a festering pulse of protest plotting. "They never stop digging plots around Nimbin", got confused in the translation. Mind you the stoned ideas pouring out of some recordings we have to sort through have meant there's a list of over 350 threatening ideas we are following up. Mostly they turn out to be loony ramblings and nothing more, but how do we know if people are serious or not. Were they joking when they said suicide bongers dressed as koalas would be dropping out of trees onto the cars as they raced past? Have they really developed remote controlled lookalike bats?
SWANS STAR JOINS THE FORCE
Barry Hall joining the local uniforms here in Nimbin has bolstered morale no end for us Unders. Across the state resignations are outnumbering new arrivals and everyone wanted Barry in their team, but we got him for our mission to free the town of weed. Largely because the toking uco's are way ahead in the official national annual tally stats, the one that counts.
“The weedunders assisted with the confiscation of 8059.56 kilos of illegal substance”, the report states. Compare that to the powder gang, or the pill brigade. Scarcely a ton between them. So thanks to the Stats God we get eighty percent of the new intake of Unders. No one's complaining from our end, and the rest just don't get it! Anyway, where else would I find eight tons to pick through? Fortunately I'm still assigned to Cullen Street and specifically the bushweed work. The Bosses are keen to get rid of the competition and excited as hell over the big rains that already made it a smaller than usual crop for the hippies. By Christmas bush will be as scarce as a tasty nectarine. Having Big Bad Barry nearby, and Krishna in the watchband to call him, is something else though, I almost feel safe out in the wilds of Cullen Street now. Perhaps the Boss is right, we can win. Trouble is, I have to admit I'm hooked on the good bush weed now myself and that, more than anything, is keeping me at the job.
