Of course I was posted to watch the Polite rabble hippies with their giant inflatable joint when it headed out of town.
Earlier in the day the NTDAS, Nationwide Total Drama Alarm Signal had gone off incessantly, apparently triggered by the words "blow up the joint'. The PM himself was irresistibly drawn to the giant balloon and his security team had to physically restrain him from walking over to the Polites as they battled with their balloon in the gusty winds around the hospital entrance. The media monitor minders were terrified he'd be photographed with the thing. Only when the hippies finally pricked their giant balloon on the hospital No Smoking sign did he get in the car and leave.
It happened like this.
The first time the minders signalled he was ready to depart the message got relayed to security out the front where the Big Joint cockatoo cheerleader, a hempster dressed like a Texan marching girl ( Kevin was calling her Hiawatha) was watching the security guy like a hawk. As soon as he talked into his wristband she gave the thumbs up to the Joint team across the road who immediately leapt to their feet trying to hold afloat the giant balloon in the blustery wind. Kevin was watching it all through a window and he loved the show so much he made us do four false starts.
The hippies in their hot Polite overalls were leaping up and down at each signal until finally they hit the sign and pricked their big balloon. It was like real life pin ball for Kevin. The clue for the hippies law reform campaign was in the wording on the sign that did the damage he said, adding "smoking is sooo last century". Immediately after saying this he made a joke about wishing the 'Nimbin People' had done the catering. Was it a coincidence?
The first time the minders signalled he was ready to depart the message got relayed to security out the front where the Big Joint cockatoo cheerleader, a hempster dressed like a Texan marching girl ( Kevin was calling her Hiawatha) was watching the security guy like a hawk. As soon as he talked into his wristband she gave the thumbs up to the Joint team across the road who immediately leapt to their feet trying to hold afloat the giant balloon in the blustery wind. Kevin was watching it all through a window and he loved the show so much he made us do four false starts.
The hippies in their hot Polite overalls were leaping up and down at each signal until finally they hit the sign and pricked their big balloon. It was like real life pin ball for Kevin. The clue for the hippies law reform campaign was in the wording on the sign that did the damage he said, adding "smoking is sooo last century". Immediately after saying this he made a joke about wishing the 'Nimbin People' had done the catering. Was it a coincidence?
The editor of the Goodtimes sent me a message via the Boss this week.
Apparently he got an abusive phone call about Undacuvva not printing their real name. Of course the editor has no idea who I am so no good phoning him. This is therapy really this column and I'm ever grateful to the Boss for allowing it.
I've been feeling extremely guilty about busting the young lads and at least this column is a bit of a warning for them. Of course I can't tell you who I am, that's the whole point of being Unda. Anyway the Boss made me change my sex, and name, again. " Ya can't be too careful Annie," he said, which is the name of a German backpacker I played two years ago. Even he can't keep up with who I am.
That the toothless lunatic reference upset some readers last month was a surprise though. Like the Indian gurus I always thought obviously missing teeth was a sign of great wisdom, beyond the ego you hippies would say. Aboriginal rituals knew that too and did it deliberately. It's just one of the things I love about you poor ferals, your missing teeth, a real sign of honesty in a world of perfect plastic white picket fences.
Now the Tower is coming down you probably think you've won the war I suppose but don't get carried away, not yet anyway. It will be re-sited with Towcom beneath it again and everything will be fully functional by Christmas, by which time we expect the bush to have run out and stress levels will be peaking. Then we go in for the kill says the manual, but we are already arguing about it, of course. Where will we get sent after Nimbin? Will there be good bush weed there? Nowhere is a patch on this scene...I mean there's real danger out there, and for not much pay. Biggest drama here is mistaking mugwort for weed and losing a chunk of the Undakitty.
I can tell you one thing about the Tower stuff up. It was nothing to do with the Boss, we didn't even know it was coming when it did. It's one thing we have in common with everyone in Nimbin, Sydney treat us like fish and chip wrapper.
Not so with the contract to pull the Tower down however, it's another big embarrassment for the Boss. There was a sense of urgency about it all and nobody bothered to find out who exactly NLB was before the contract was signed. Their quote was easily the best received and promised the entire Tower and fence would be down in 24 hours. They had multiple local references for being 'fast and efficient at removing any structure.' Dibs are in for the fence and a Well Known Tourist Attraction looks like getting it.
UNDACUVVA STREET BEAT: September 2009
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